Ah, Gossip
by Sofi Bleuphyre
Summary: When a nurse hears of a certain piece of juicy gossip, curiosity flows and more gossip is shared. Just who is the mystery man taking the Head Nurse out on a date? -?xOC, Mentions of possible other pairings.-


**Hello, readers! I haven't written anything for Naruto, even attempted to do so in _ages_, and this idea popped up. It has been eating my brain ever since. If it seems a tad OOC, please forgive me.  
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**I do hope you enjoy it!**

**xxx**

If you had asked someone about Nurse Zawasaka Miho, the head nurse of Konoha's hospital, one would only give positive reviews.

She was kind, humorous, and was also highly intelligent. Some would say she was much smarter than most of the doctors that she worked with. And it seemed the higher powers allowed her inner beauty to reflect outwards. She may have been quite short, and probably more curvaceous than the average Konoha resident, kunoichi or civilian alike, but she had a rather pretty face. Her soft, curly dark auburn hair, hazel eyes and olive skin added to her appeal.

Yet despite her kindness and attractiveness that made most of her patients try to woo her even when they were bleeding from somewhere like a running faucet, they would also say it was a shame.

Miho never once in her life had a boyfriend. She never dated, never shared her bed with anyone. Nothing.

So it was a surprise when her fellow nurses noticed that she was looking rather dolled up one evening when her shift was reaching its end. And when one actually had the guts to ask her about it, her answer, unbeknownst to her, would send the ever-running gossip mill into a frenzy.

Said nurse then bolted into the break room, where a few of the other nurses were lounging. They all stared at her as she gasped for breath, and they thought, for a minute, there was a dire emergency.

They did not expect to hear what came out of her mouth.

"Miho-san has a _date_!"

Everyone gasped at this, and there was a sound akin to that of a mug or glass falling to the floor into pieces as the door swung back and forth behind the frazzled nurse. They all gawked and waited for the door to cease it's swinging, waiting for it to come to a full stop before they shot a barrage of questions.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely positive?"

"Did she say that to your _face_?"

The nurse settled into a chair near one of the bigger round tables in the room. Others followed suit. Those who couldn't find a chair merely hovered around, keeping one ear to the news and the other to the outer hall of the hospital. Gossip was great and all, but not when patients could be dying.

"I heard it from her very lips." The nurse said. "I can't believe I just asked her about it! It just slipped out!"

"What were her exact words?" Another nurse asked.

The first nurse gave her a look. "That she had a _date_ this evening! That _he_ was picking her up after her shift!"

There was another gasp. It was more subdued, but still held a lot of excitement.

"I can't believe it…"

"Miho is going on a date!"

"She's not asexual! She's _heterosexual_!"

"About time she got laid!"

"I'm so proud! Our little Miho is growing up!"

"Do you know who he is?" Another nurse asked, causing everyone to freeze.

"She mentioned that they got off work around the same time." The first nurse stated. "No idea outside of that…"

"I wonder who it is…" One nurse said.

"Maybe a civilian?" Another asked.

"No." Yet another stated. "Miho seems to be more of a shinobi kind of girl. Civilians seem to bore her…"

It was partially true. Miho did have more dealings with shinobi, and with her job, it seemed, most shinobi could understand the pressures a bit more. Most civilians wouldn't like their woman working late hours and barely being home, dealing with life and death on a daily basis. Most wouldn't understand.

"Then who?"

There was another hum around the desk at this as they paused for thought.

"I bet it's that one scarred fellow." One said in thought.

"Which one?" Another said sarcastically. "There are _hundreds_ of shinobi with scars!"

"I don't there's even a shinobi _without_ one!"

"Maybe it's that Namiashi fella. He was here last week."

"Nah. I hear he's dating a civilian girl already."

"No, he's not. He's gay!"

"Oh, come on! Just because he's friends with that senbon guy…"

"That's it!" A nurse piped up, causing the starting fight to diminish. "It's Shiranui!"

"_No way_!" Every other nurse chorused.

"The man's a womanizer. Always trying to flirt and feel up everyone."

"Not just a _womanizer_ either. I hear he plays on both fields."

There was a collective groan and some mutterings about "perverts" and "where they'd like to stick that needle" as a silence then spread through the group.

"Maybe it's one of the elites?"

Everyone turned to the nurse who spoke, who then fidgeted a little in her spot.

"Ya know. The big guns here…"

"What, like Maito Gai?"

"Exactly!"

They all groaned.

"_Please_…" One of the older nurses droned. "Miho-san has patience, but not _that_ much."

"I don't know…" Another said, grinning cheekily. "He's pretty hot."

"What are you talking about? The man has a bowl cut and eyebrows so big they can't be natural! And spandex! _Green spandex_! No one in their right mind would wear that!"

"But have you seen his _body_? You may not admit it, but I bet you've taken a look at his hard, tight butt in that spandex."

The nurse speaking then let out a sigh, fanning herself. "And I've heard he's got _perfect_ muscle control…"

There was another collective silence.

"… Okay, you need to get laid more."

The nurse in question shrugged. "I might just do that. I wonder if Maito-san needs a check-up…"

There was a slight shudder amongst the group. Granted, they did notice Maito Gai's arse…

But those _eyebrows_…

"What about Hatake Kakashi?" One piped. "I heard he's been single all of his life. Kinda like Miho-san… Maybe one day when he was getting checked on by her he finally decided to ask her out."

"Nope." Another quipped, causing the first to give her a look. "I heard he's not single anymore…"

"Really?" One gasped, hand covering her mouth. "Who's he with, then?"

"That one academy teacher." The nurse said, leaning in. "_Umino Iruka_."

More gasps.

"No way!"

"I bet they hardly know each other!"

"They're polar opposites, those two!"

"Say what you want." One said. "I do know what I saw on my way to work one day, though…"

At that chirp, there was more gasps.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Tell us!"

"Well! I was walking down the road when I heard a gasp in an alley. It sounded like someone was in pain, so I checked it out. Nurse, after all. But I didn't expect to see what I saw!"

"What did you see? _What did you see_?"

"The academy teacher himself getting all kinds of lovin' from the Copy Ninja himself!"

Another scandalized gasp erupted and more murmurings started.

"There's no way!"

"I can't believe they're _gay!_ For each _other_!"

"I wonder who tops?"

"I bet it's Hatake-sensei. He doesn't seem like that kind of guy."

"Doubtful. Umino-sensei seems all nice and innocent, but I've heard him berating people in the missions office all the way from outside. He's definitely a fiery one! Not to mention that I've heard about how Hatake-san is seen limping from time to time with _some_ _look_ on his face!"

"I'm going to have dreams of those two for _weeks_, now!"

"You're welcome!"

"_Enough_!"

Everyone froze, looking up and seeing the nurse, who started all of this, was now standing, glaring at all of them.

"How can you talk about the latest man couple at a time like this?" She snapped. "Good for them, granted. But still! We were talking about Miho-san, here! What if she's dating a really bad guy? What if she's dating a mega pervert? _What if she's dating Ebisu-san_?"

There was silence as they all seemed to consider this, looking at each other.

The nurse then sighed. "Now…" She said. "I think that's enough gossip for today. We should-."

"Excuse me."

Everyone jumped and turned, and immediately regretted their decision to linger in the break room for as long as they had been.

There, standing in the open doorway, was none other than the infamous Morino Ibiki: The Head of Torture and Interrogations.

The nurses instinctively recoiled at the sight of the rather large, scarred man as he stared them down. They've seen scary things on a daily basis, but none were as scary as Morino. If he ever managed to get hurt and wind up in the hospital, even then it was hard pressed to find a nurse who had the balls to go in and do their job to help him.

"M-May we help you, Morino-san?" The standing nurse asked, flinching at her stutter. "Is someone hurt? Do any of your… _subjects_… need care?"

"Not today…" He said, adjusting his stance slightly. "I'm looking for Zawasaka Miho's office. Can you tell me where it is?"

There was a long silence as the nurses around the table tried their best to discreetly look at each other.

It couldn't have been!

…

Could it…?

"Um… yes." One said, stepping over and trying to make herself as small as possible as she leaned around the corner and pointed.

"Down the hall, make a left, and it's at the end of that hall, on your right." She said.

"Thank you." He said, looking in the direction, then heading down the hall. Once he was far away enough, said nurse at the door turned and gawked at the others.

"No _way_!" One hissed. "There's no way Miho-san would date Morino-san! She's so sweet and innocent! Morino-san's…"

Said nurse shuddered, and others agreed.

"Maybe he just has questions?"

"Maybe he _does_ have someone that needs medical care? And only trusts Miho-san with it?"

"They couldn't _possibly_ be going on a _date_!"

"You never know." One of the older nurses said, approaching the doorway and seeing Ibiki pause, then turn a corner. "Miho-san is one of the few nurses brave enough to tend to him if he's in here…"

Another then approached. "And Miho-san's incredibly kind."

And yet another. "And rather witty."

They all then seemed to be near the door. They all looked at each other, then, as if it was a unanimous decision, they all rushed out the break room and down the hall, doing what they could to run as quietly as possible. Once they reached the end of the hall, they leaned over, fighting for good positions at the end, watching as Ibiki headed down the hall, his black coat swishing with his movements.

Then, as if to confirm any possible suspicions that the other nurses had, Miho herself stepped out of her office, out of her work clothes and in her regular clothes. She gave one look at Ibiki and did something that no one thought she had the guts to do.

She pounced.

The nurses each had to cover their mouths to prevent their screams of horror as Miho cheered happily at seeing the Tokubetsu Jounin and then leapt towards him, managing to jump high enough to latch her arms around his neck, causing said shinobi to shout in surprise.

At this, they thought Miho would die. That she would be quickly whisked away, killed, and her body hidden. Her murder would be a cover-up, and soon all the nurses on staff at the hospital would be replaced as they would also be killed to help prevent a conspiracy.

Instead, they barely made out the mumblings between the two. Ibiki was visibly chastising Miho for her behavior, and Miho was, out of all the things to do, _flirting_ ever so slightly with the Torture expert.

Eventually, it seemed, Ibiki had resigned to his fate and returned Miho's embrace, and the nurses gawked.

They never thought that Ibiki would return the embrace. They didn't think he could even _hug_!

And was that a faint smile on his face? Said face was already brandishing a bit of a blush.

The nurses finally decided to lean back and out of sight as they stared into space in disbelief.

Zawasaka Miho, one of the most kind, intelligent, highly-praised nurses…

… Was dating Ibiki Morino, the Head of Torture and Interrogations, and a man that could just look at you and would cause you to lose control of your bladder _and_ your bowels.

It was the end of the world as they knew it.

Unbeknownst to the gossiping nurses, Miho managed to peer around one of Ibiki's arms to notice that they had finally turned away. She couldn't help but grin a little at this.

"Are they gone?"

Miho blinked, craning her head to look upon Ibiki's scarred face. Her grin broadened. "Yep. I think they are. At least they're so shocked that they're totally out of it."

Ibiki sighed, letting her go and standing upright. "I don't know what got them so worked up like that." He said. "I could literally hear them the moment I entered this place!"

"I haven't the slightest idea, either." She said. "Honestly, from what I understand, we're old news out on the streets. You'd think they'd have something better to gossip about."

Ibiki fought another smile as Miho stepped back and took one of his hands, weaving her small fingers around his larger ones as they began their trek to exit the hospital. If he weren't still wary about how it would affect his image if he full out walked with her nudged under his arm, he'd do so. She was right, of course. It seemed that the moment he actually managed to ask Miho out on something slightly akin to a date, the news of their relationship spread like wildfire.

He had to admit that it was still amusing, though…

"What else would they gossip about?" Ibiki asked, unable to fight his curiosity as Miho shrugged in thought.

"I don't know…" She said. "Maybe about how Hatake-san is dating Umino-sensei..."

"Kakashi and Iruka are _dating_?"

**xxx**

**I would've added more to the list of possible candidates, but I decided kind of against that. And I couldn't help myself with the KakaIru thing. I really couldn't. XD**

**Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed it! Maybe I'll write something else with Miho in it, although I might change her name. I really just thought it up for the hell of it.**


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